Betrayal by "Novel Authors"

Hello world. Allow me to let you on something. You may think you know me for a very long time and know me very well, well, the fact is.... YOU DONT!! In fact, you only know me a slight bit!! So dont you judge me or make conclusions about me or judge me!! You dont have the right!! Its my life and you think that you all know my life better than i do?! Then what does that make me?? An idiot who doesnt know himself?? Is that how I am in all your eyes?! Dont make conclusions and judgments out of things you ASSUME to know me. And..... If you want to relay something or become a third-party informer, PLEASE PASS ON ACCURATELY AND NOT PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH OR SMEAR THE SITUATION OR CONVERSATION WITH YOUR OWN "NOVEL"!! It is unfair!!!!!! You know the situation yet you still relay it in a way that you change to how you want it to be, HOW MUCH MORE IRRITATING CAN THAT BE?!! I know who you all are and what has been said. You all say that I don't open up easily and KNOW that I'm someone who doesn't open up. You few are the rare few that I open up to yet you do this. You can FORGET about me sharing and opening up to you again in future... Enjoy weaving more stories ya!!!! I hope you will be a Nobel laureate for Literature.

False Accusations

I HATE FALSE ACCUSATIONS!!!! WHY WHY WHY?! it is now like I'm a fictional character whom the author simply creates a story or situations that I am in and I HAVE TO OBLIGE!! I DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG!!! WHY MUST YOU SIMPLY ACCUSE ME?! WHY IS IT THAT YOU MUST SAY I'M IN THE WRONG?! GET YOUR FACTS RIGHT?! BEING ADULTS DOES NOT GIVE ALL OF YOU THE AUTHORITY TO PUSH THE BLAME TO THOSE YOUNGER!! BEING ADULTS DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE AUTHORITY TO SIMPLY CREATE FACTS AND BLAME PEOPLE!! Oh, btw, when it is simply created, IT IS NO LONGER FACTS!! WHY IS IT THAT YOU ALL MUST PATRONIZE ME?! IS IT BECAUSE I AM YOUNG?! PLEASE DON'T PUSH ME OVER THE EDGE... BE FAIR TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally . . .

Whew! After taking so long to realize the hassle and 'mafan'-ness of maintaining almost 8 blogs in one, i finally decided to make a change to a more user-friendly blog which meets my demand. the only sad thing is that it does not allow shoutboxes to be put.

Check out the new look at www.bryanboo.co.cc.

A raindrop

Raindrops. Formed for a short period of time, knowing its end. It drops from the skies and ultimately hits the ground and disappears, never to remembered. No one takes significance of it. But as it rolls down from the skies to the ground, every drop brings down the temperature... A great influence... Hmm... Let me try to be a philosopher for a moment:

(*looks at the skies, eyebrow raised, fingers playing with the three strands of beard on my chin*)
"Life can sometimes be like a raindrop. Short and sometimes insignificance. When it ends by hitting the ground, it then is wiped out of memory. But as it falls to the ground, it brings down the temperature, even if its a little bit. That, my friend, is truly making a difference regardless of what you get in return."

Defiance of Nature

Oh, that the defiance of the natural is something absurd.

Why?? Why do people expect us to defy the natural? We have done no wrong and neither have we done anything that will bring or cause misgivings or distrust!! Why are we like a goldfish in a fish bowl?? Why are we like a criminal that is being watched every step and interrogated at every suspicion that you all have, knowingly that most of the time is ends up as baseless accusations? Why do these false and baseless accusations be to you the truth when it is baseless in the beginning? Do you all as adults think that EVERYTHING you all think or do or say is perfect and the absolute truth? That you know no wrong and that we being young are in the period of ignorance? Do you think that we are ignorant and that you all know the absolute truth?? What then, i will question, is your so-called "ABSOLUTE TRUTH"?? Is your so-called absolute truth really inviolable? Why must emotions lead you all to use the veto of "look, i'm an adult and you all are young so we are right and you are wrong" mentality?! Where then is justice and equality?? Is the expressions of our thoughts and feelings wrong? You think you know how we think and how we feel and what goes through our minds but reality check: YOU DO NOT KINOW!! and when we try to let you in on how we think or feel, you say that we are rebels?! WHERE IS JUSTICE?!! It just shows that you all have totally no trust in us!! It shows that your preconceived perceptions are far greater and stronger than that of what we actually really feel deep down!! You think you know EVERYTHING?! you think you can just force your opinions on us, makng YOUR opinions OURS?? We are human beings and capable of thinking and rationalizing for our ownselves, THANK YOU!! You question why are we so closed up and not sharing with you all. THIS IS WHY!!!! With all your preconceived hypothesis-that-you-made-into-conlusions, HOW ARE WE TO SHARE OUR VIEW?! if we do, you say that we are rebels or just plain and downright wrong?! when we keep silent, you say we are deceiving!! WHAT THEN IS RIGHT IN YOUR EYES?! it is like there are two paths before us, only TWO! and you ask us to choose one. BUT, you say that either one we choose, it is destined to doom. THEN WHAT DO WE DO?! YOU THINK ONLY YOU ALL BEING ADULTS HAVE PERSSURES AND TROUBLES?? well, let me today enlighten you on something, WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS TOO AND HAVE OUR OWN SHARE OF ISSUES TO DEAL WITH!!!! ISSUES THAT YOU ALL WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND!!! TAKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My advice: If you wanna save your young people instead of losing them, you might actually consider making effort to know and understand them and BE RATIONAL, SANE AND FAIR!!! do NOT be unreasonable... Every instance of being unreasonable, or worse, plain stupid threats that are worthless and useless and makes no sense and just plain downright unreasonable, i GUARANTEE you, coming from a young person myself, YOU ARE LOSING US!!! Slowly and subtly.. you may not see it now, but i tell you, don't do things that will only bring regret to yourself in future. If ever you do not heed my advice and you really lose them in future, i suggest you take a pause, a step back and think all that you have done in the past... It may not be our fault... it may be yours..... do not always put the blame on us.. you might have been wrong too...... we are all human and not perfect, that includes YOU! don't think that you are absolutely right and we are all wrong!!!!

p/s: btw, i chose to publish this on a public blog and not a private one because I have had enough keeping silent and suffering in silence.... I hope you will take heed.... All of you....

loneliness

walking down the path with sounds all around,
but why is it that all i seem to feel is loneliness surround,
the people i meet, the people i see,
makes me feel as if i'm a tree

I don't like loneliness and I don't like feeling of rejection... i don't like my path filled with loneliness and sadness and grief... i don't like....

Plea...

Help... I need space to breathe.....

Note

Note: This is NOT my official blog.. This is my personal blog.. My official blog is at www.bryanboo.co.cc

UNFAIR!!

UNFAIR!! JUST SO UNFAIR!! It wasn't me who wanted it this way. It wasn't me that felt this way. Why? Why must I pay for something that is not my fault? Is liking someone a crime? Do I have to lose friends just because I like someone?! Where is the rationale?! For someone who really takes every relationship seriously, who treasures relationships above all else, it hurts to realize that the other party does not take relationship the same way.. doesn't treasure friendships as much as I do.. Willing to let go our friendship just because I like a girl... What is this?! Unfair.. unfair....

Quiet?? Me??

Someone asked me today, "Bryan, are you very quiet by nature?" (or something to this tune la.. bad memory... haha! sorry!) I didn't know how to answer.. haha!

Let me see... Those of you who know me at a very personal level know that I am both. At times, crazy (as in REALLY C-R-A-Z-Y) and at times really silent. The silence come especially with people I am not so close to. Haha! I'm not that expressive a person and thus, when it comes to acquaintances that are not so close, I tend to be an introvert and a very silent person. Around people I know and are at a certain level of closeness, I tend to be very crazy and....... hmm.... put it this way... People have told me that they can never read my mind to expect what is gonna happen or what I'm planning as I tend to do things differently.. Haha!

Let me give you 2 aspects of my nature:
1) I am a thinker. I love observe and evaluate and create my own hypothesis. I love to just think about things, getting into the minds of people, evaluate situations etc.
2) I am a perfectionist. Well, not totally one but part of me, yes.

So, am I quiet by nature? Yes, and no...

Survival Brawl

Today's ministers – meaning those ministers belonging to our generation. How many of us are willing to give all up for the ministry? Or let me rephrase. How far are you willing to sacrifice for Christ? I believe that one major problem with ministers from my generation would be the issue of faith. Oh, we wouldn't have any problems with faith when it concerns healing and faith that God exists etc. But the faith that I bring into question is the faith to trust God's faithfulness. What is the center of our ministry and life? God – that we are willing to forsake all for His cause? Or is it just something else other than God? When we are tested and are going through a time or phase wherein we have to live by faith, trusting God every step of the way, will we pass the test? Or will we throw in the towel and leave the ministry? Are we willing to go through times when we ma have to eat nothing for days or even sleep in the streets?

I question myself, if I am to go through that which was aforementioned, will I be able to go through it? Being someone who thinks a lot and thinks very macro at that, and far into the future, I tend to already chart my plans for my life. Plans for my ministry, plans to marry already made, plans to live my life, plans to furnish my house in future, all this and many many more. Even plans for my loved ones even after my death. But so many plans require much finance. Being called into the ministry, I recognize and accept the fact that I will not be very well paid. Just by doing drafted / assumed calculation, it is almost certain that it will definitely be on the negative; the inadequate side. But I am content. Living alone by faith is not that much of a problem. But the problem may arise is when I have a wife and kids. I love them so so much that it breaks my heart just thinking and imagining of this situation in the future. Living on less than the bare necessities, will I be willing to bring those I love into much suffering? Am I willing to forsake all for Christ's sake? Or rather, will I still be in the ministry when faced with such a situation?

I remember the time I was called into the ministry. At that time, I was still young and not much thought was given about the future; my future. I was a very ambitious young chap. Big dreams, big visions, big goals. I enrolled myself in medical school but things did not work out that well. Now, I had a couple of options before me: continue pursuing medicine, go into international business, or something that doesn't interest me like biotech, or another option was to go into full-time ministry (though I was hesitating with this as I wanted to go only if it's God's timing). In every options, I had big plans and was very ambitious. Top pediatric surgeon, CEO etc. But after fasting and praying and seeking God's will, with confirmation from couple of people, I made the decision to go into full-time ministry. But the issue aforementioned still never struck me. At least until I met someone who really made me think so far into the future.

After hearing stories of pastors and missionaries of old, it challenged me to think about everything I've said earlier, including that special someone. But being more mature now than before, her studies come 1^st. If God wills, anything further will be pursued after she graduates. But back to the point, I've heard of ministers earning 2 digits or 3 digits salary, eating only potatoes, that also having days without any food. As mentioned earlier, my guess is that even for marriage, there will most likely be not enough to even carry out the wedding. My house will probably be empty for a bed and a few basic necessities.

Some might say that bigger churches will pay more. You will live a better life working there. That is probably why some ministers would prefer to work in bigger churches. But as for me, it is not about the money but it is entirely about God. God, at this point of time, gave me a burden for and led and leads me to Kluang and I want to be faithful to what He has called me to no matter what the circumstance. Even when I write all these, I'm thinking about how I would be in future and more so, of those who have gone before me and lived by faith. And I can't help but be pushed to tears, especially when we know that God is faithful. God is and will be faithful. I believe and know this. For my part, I want and will be faithful to what He has given me and called me to do.

"God, I place everything into Your hands. From my life, to my love, to my future, to my finances, to my ministry. All I place in Your hands. Teach me and help me to have faith in You like Abraham, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego had. For I know that You will be faithful. As for now, I live my life to be faithful to everything you have given to me and to what you have called me to do and to do it well."

Target...

In my years in BCM, (besides theological training), I wanna:

1. Learn and master the art of football!
2. Learn and master golf (Thanks sw!)
3. Try and see if I can pick up basketball as well!
4. Develop an intimate relationship with God.
5. Meet the expectation of my parents, spiritual mom and the church... (I can do it!!)

I believe these will all be achieved!! Bryan, you can do it!

The Trio...

The 3 things that I want to pick up now:

#3 : Golf... Interesting and fun game

#2 : Football! To be able to bond with the dudes

and, introducing, the undisputed champion...

#1: SPEED READING (faster than I do now) so I can finish ALL my reading assignments in the shortest time possible!!

Haha!

Assumption

Old Testament Survey... Old Testament Survey... What kind of impression does that give you as a subject? Well, yes, you answer is what I felt. Anticipating a boring lecture which I will be struggling to keep my eyes opened, I dragged my feet to the class. As I opened the door, Pas. Wendy had already begun her class. I sat down and sighed. "It begins now", I thought. I took a sip of my coffee and started listening to her. Surprisingly, I enjoyed the class! No, I did not feel sleepy now did I feel that it was boring! The class was kinda draggy at the beginning but after a while, it caught my attention and I didn't feel like sleeping anymore! Looking forward to tomorrow's class.. Haha!

Anyways, for someone who doesn't like reading, I've officially been thrown into the torture chamber. LOTS of reading to do... Let me see:

Christian Theology by Erickson : approx 624 pages.
A Survey of the New Testament by Robert Gundry : 528 pages
Encountering the Old Testament by Arnold & Beyer: 476 pages
God, Revelation & Man Collateral Reading : 200 pages
Entire Bible : 1252 pages

Total : 3080 pages Deadline : 30 March 2009!!

that would mean averagely 88 pages a day!! Man, I'm gonna have problem. And I HAVE to read because reading alone has marks!! (p/s: this does not include assignments, exams and research papers) God help me!!

Dark Ages

Many people say that the past stained with darkness and sorrow should be forgotten. That the 'dark ages' should be put behind as we turn over a new leaf. But in my case, I beg to differ.

For me, I will always remember my past. The things I've done and the things I've been through for various reasons:

(1) I can help people who are in the same position and struggles I used to be in

(2) It shows God's power and protection over my life.

(3) I will learn from it and not fall into the same mistakes again.

but most importantly (4) It shows God's mercy and grace and His never-ending love and glorifies God!!

For these reasons, my past will never be forgotten but instead, always be remembered.

Reminising the past... Wishing the future...

Was at the hospital a few days back and was in the A&E. Sitting down there for almost 2 hours, I got to observe the things going on at the A&E. Beds and wheel-chairs zooming around as if in an F1 race, doctors and nurses moving here and there, some in discussion, some looking at x-rays. It was chaotic. But a smile came on my face... this was a chaos I wanted.

It has always been my dream to be a doctor. I was so so so close to being one. Just one step to medical training. I wanted to be a pediatric surgeon or an A&E doctor. I loved medicine and helping people. I was ready to put up with the stress and sacrifices for a doctor. I loved studying my paramedic skills and was really looking forward to being a doctor. I used to imagine myself as a top pediatric surgeon or A&E doctor and giving out free treatment and consultation to those who really could not afford. I always believe that health should not have money as it's boundary. My plan was in a year, two to three of the months, I will go to a 3rd world country to offer free medical treatment. I was this this this close to realizing my dream....

until

I missed the mark to enter into Medicine. It came as a shocker not only to me but to my lecturers as well as friends. Even in English, I could not make the mark whereas there were those who aren't as proficient in English who got an A. I could not believe it! Anyway, after pulling myself together, I decided to retry. But things didn't go so smoothly. I wasn't allowed to enter in that particular year. So my Pastor and mentor advised me to fast and pray. So I did. Cut the long story short, I am now in Seminary.

But as I was sitting there in the A&E, I almost teared. This was something I really really loved and wanted to do but I have to give it up. For the ministry, for the people, most importantly, for God, I had to let go... Sometimes I do wonder, how nice it would be if I was a doctor... But nonetheless, medicine will not be alienated from my life. (I have plans... Bwahahaha!) Very unlikely that I will be a doctor but I might take something similar to that field... Will help in my mission entries into countries as well.. Haha! Medicine.... Medicine... Medicine....

"God, help me to fix my eyes on You and always look back to my calling. Assure me, O Lord, that I made the right decision and that Your ways are higher than my ways. Let me find joy in what I do... Joy that exceeds the joy I would have in medicine..."

At long last...

Yearpz.. At long last, the unfaithful blogger (cuz keep changing blogs) has finally decided to settle down to one PERSONAL blog (which is this) and one GENERAL blog (which is www.bryanboo.co.cc).
[p/s : this should not be an issue of doubt or question regarding my faithfulness towards God, my work or even my relationship.THis is EXCLUSIVELY for connection between me and my blogs only. Thank you]

Test... Test of faithfulness to this blog.. Ahahaha!

Gotta hit the covers or I'll be 'fishing' in NT Survey tomorrow... God help me stay awake in class...
*yawn*

Nite nite...