Was at the hospital a few days back and was in the A&E. Sitting down there for almost 2 hours, I got to observe the things going on at the A&E. Beds and wheel-chairs zooming around as if in an F1 race, doctors and nurses moving here and there, some in discussion, some looking at x-rays. It was chaotic. But a smile came on my face... this was a chaos I wanted.
It has always been my dream to be a doctor. I was so so so close to being one. Just one step to medical training. I wanted to be a pediatric surgeon or an A&E doctor. I loved medicine and helping people. I was ready to put up with the stress and sacrifices for a doctor. I loved studying my paramedic skills and was really looking forward to being a doctor. I used to imagine myself as a top pediatric surgeon or A&E doctor and giving out free treatment and consultation to those who really could not afford. I always believe that health should not have money as it's boundary. My plan was in a year, two to three of the months, I will go to a 3rd world country to offer free medical treatment. I was this this this close to realizing my dream....
until
I missed the mark to enter into Medicine. It came as a shocker not only to me but to my lecturers as well as friends. Even in English, I could not make the mark whereas there were those who aren't as proficient in English who got an A. I could not believe it! Anyway, after pulling myself together, I decided to retry. But things didn't go so smoothly. I wasn't allowed to enter in that particular year. So my Pastor and mentor advised me to fast and pray. So I did. Cut the long story short, I am now in Seminary.
But as I was sitting there in the A&E, I almost teared. This was something I really really loved and wanted to do but I have to give it up. For the ministry, for the people, most importantly, for God, I had to let go... Sometimes I do wonder, how nice it would be if I was a doctor... But nonetheless, medicine will not be alienated from my life. (I have plans... Bwahahaha!) Very unlikely that I will be a doctor but I might take something similar to that field... Will help in my mission entries into countries as well.. Haha! Medicine.... Medicine... Medicine....
"God, help me to fix my eyes on You and always look back to my calling. Assure me, O Lord, that I made the right decision and that Your ways are higher than my ways. Let me find joy in what I do... Joy that exceeds the joy I would have in medicine..."
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